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Title:   English is a Crazy Language


Let's face it -- English is a crazy language!
> >
> >There's no egg in eggplant nor ham in
hamburger; neither apple
> >nor pine in pineapple.
> >English muffins weren't invented in England
or French fries in
> > France. Sweetmeats are candies while
sweetbreads, which aren't
> >sweet, are meat.
> >We take English for granted. But if we
explore its paradoxes, we
> > find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing
rings are square, and a
> > guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it
a pig.
> >And why is it that writers write but fingers
don't fing, grocers
> > don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the
plural of tooth is teeth,
> > why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One
goose, two geese. So one
> > moose, two meese? One index, two indices?
> >Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make
amends but not one amend,
> > that you comb through the annals of history
but not a single annal?
> > If you have a bunch of odds and ends and
get rid of all but one of
> >them, what do you call it?
> >If teachers taught, why didn't preacher
praught? If a vegetarian
> > eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian
eat? If you wrote a
> >letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
> >Sometimes I think all the English speakers
should be committed to
> > an asylum for the verbally insane. In what
language do people
> >recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship
by truck and send cargo
> by
> >ship?
> > Have noses that run and feet that smell?
Park on driveways and
> >drive on parkways?
> > How can a slim chance and a fat chance be
the same, while a wise
> > man and a wise guy are opposites? How can
overlook and oversee be
> >opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few
are alike? How can the
> > weather be hot as hell one day and cold as
hell another?
> >How you noticed that we talk about certain
things only when they
> > are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful
carriage or a strapful
> >gown?
> > Met a sung hero or experienced requited love?
> >Have you ever run into someone who was
dis-combobulated, grunted,
> > ruly or peccable? And where are all those
people who ARE spring
> > chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?
> >You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language in which
> > your house can burn up as it burns down, in
which you fill in a form
> >by filling out and in which an alarm clock
goes off by going on.
> >English was invented by people, not
computers, and it reflects
> >the creativity of the human race (which, of
course, isn't a race at
> >all).
> > That is why, when the stars are out, they
are visible, but when
> >the lights are out, they are invisible. And
why, when I wind up my
> >watch, I start it, but when I wind up this
essay, I end it!
> >

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joke number 22   Current Rating 10


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