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UsaONE Joke net

Title:   Stages of life


STAGES OF LIFE

THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGE DRINK
17  beer
25  beer
35  vodka
48  double vodka
66  Maalox

SEDUCTION LINE
17  My parents are away for the weekend.
25  My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35  My fiancé is away for the weekend.
48  My wife is away for the weekend.
66  My second wife is dead.

FAVORITE SPORT
17  sex
25  sex
35  sex
48  sex
66  napping

DRUG
17  pot
25  coke
35  really good coke
48  power
66  coke, a limousine, the company jet

DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17  "tongue"
25  "breakfast"
35  "She didn't set back my therapy."
48  "I didn't have to meet her kids."
66  "Got home alive."

FAVORITE FANTASY
17  getting to third
25  airplane sex
35  menage a trois
48  taking the company public
66  Swiss maid/Nazi love slave

HOUSE PET
17  roaches
25  stoned-out college roommate
35  black lab
48  children from her first marriage
66  Barbi

WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17  25
25  35
35  48
48  66
66  17

IDEAL DATE
17  Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
25  "Split the check before we go back to my place"
35  "Just come over."
48  "Just come over and cook."
66  sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.

------------------------------------------

THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE

AGE DRINK
17  Wine Coolers
25  White wine
35  Red wine
48  Dom Perignon
66  Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17  Need to wash my hair
25  Need to need wash and condition my hair
35  Need to color my hair
48  Need to have Francois color my hair
66  Need to have Francois color my wig

FAVORITE SPORT
17  shopping
25  shopping
35  shopping
48  shopping
66  shopping

DRUG
17  shopping
25  shopping
35  shopping
48  shopping
66  shopping

DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17  "Burger King"
25  "Free meal"
35  "A diamond"
48  "A bigger diamond"
66  "Home Alone"

FAVORITE FANTASY
17  tall, dark and handsome
25  tall, dark and handsome with money
35  tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48  a man with hair
66  a man

HOUSE PET
17  Muffy the cat
25  Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35  Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
48  Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
66  Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy
the Cat

WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17  17
25  25
35  35
48  48
66  66

IDEAL DATE
17  He offers to pay
25  He pays
35  He cooks breakfast the next morning
48  He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66  He can chew breakfast

This joke is from the collection at www.usaone.net/jokenet


joke number 89   Current Rating 10


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