•Dog Food
•The Afghan Quarterback
•little Pill
•The Haircut
• DOG OF A ...
•Counseling
•As men age
•Exercise
•Employment Policy
•Jenny
•Marriage Humor 2
•Marriage Humor
•Pest Control
•Senility
•Brothel Trip
•Confession3
•Confession2
•Confession
•IRS Followup
•Hostess Bakery
•Invasion
•A Nun at Hooters
•The Mexican maid
•Cowboy Headstone
•blonde suicide
•Real laws of nature
•The man and the ostrich
•Newspaper
•Homeless Mans Funeral
•Adult Scrabble
•A Bag of $20
•In a Gun Fight
•The 4th of July
•Rabbi advice
•Last Request
•a man and a shrink
•Casket comments
•Women and cats
•Politicians
•Six Items or less
•Owning a Candian
•Oles Testimony
•Texas taxi
•Morning Coffee
•News Article
•Ten years later
•Trust your Spouse
•The Window Seat
•13 burglar things
•Iranian Air Defense
Title: Early bird get the worm
| If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding. If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough! The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week. I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met. I drive far too fast to worry about cholesterol. I intend to live forever -- so far, so good! Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion. OK, so what's the speed of dark? The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some folks don't have film. Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo! If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? What happens if you get scared half-to-death twice? Corduroy pillows: they're making headlines! Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. I couldn't repair my brakes, so I made the horn louder. All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes froze the end of my nose. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. This joke is from the collection at www.usaone.net/jokenet |
