•Dog Food
•The Afghan Quarterback
•little Pill
•The Haircut
• DOG OF A ...
•Counseling
•As men age
•Exercise
•Employment Policy
•Jenny
•Marriage Humor 2
•Marriage Humor
•Pest Control
•Senility
•Brothel Trip
•Confession3
•Confession2
•Confession
•IRS Followup
•Hostess Bakery
•Invasion
•A Nun at Hooters
•The Mexican maid
•Cowboy Headstone
•blonde suicide
•Real laws of nature
•The man and the ostrich
•Newspaper
•Homeless Mans Funeral
•Adult Scrabble
•A Bag of $20
•In a Gun Fight
•The 4th of July
•Rabbi advice
•Last Request
•a man and a shrink
•Casket comments
•Women and cats
•Politicians
•Six Items or less
•Owning a Candian
•Oles Testimony
•Texas taxi
•Morning Coffee
•News Article
•Ten years later
•Trust your Spouse
•The Window Seat
•13 burglar things
•Iranian Air Defense
•Football and the Blonde
Title: Thoughts
| I'm not into working out. My philosophy is: No pain, no pain. _________________________________ I am in shape. Round's a shape. ________________________________ I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. _________________________________ Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? ________________________________ I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. _______________________________ Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window. ______________________________ Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. __________________________________ You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is. ____________________________ The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise. _________________________________ Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. ______________________________ I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. __________________________________ The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you. __________________________________ Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash. _________________________________ I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I only have photographs of her. _________________________________ A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket'? She sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.' _________________________________ Future historians will be able to study at the Gerald Ford Library; the James Carter Library; the Ronald Reagan Library and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore. This joke is from the collection at www.usaone.net/jokenet |
