•Dog Food
•The Afghan Quarterback
•little Pill
•The Haircut
• DOG OF A ...
•Counseling
•As men age
•Exercise
•Employment Policy
•Jenny
•Marriage Humor 2
•Marriage Humor
•Pest Control
•Senility
•Brothel Trip
•Confession3
•Confession2
•Confession
•IRS Followup
•Hostess Bakery
•Invasion
•A Nun at Hooters
•The Mexican maid
•Cowboy Headstone
•blonde suicide
•Real laws of nature
•The man and the ostrich
•Newspaper
•Homeless Mans Funeral
•Adult Scrabble
•A Bag of $20
•In a Gun Fight
•The 4th of July
•Rabbi advice
•Last Request
•a man and a shrink
•Casket comments
•Women and cats
•Politicians
•Six Items or less
•Owning a Candian
•Oles Testimony
•Texas taxi
•Morning Coffee
•News Article
•Ten years later
•Trust your Spouse
•The Window Seat
•13 burglar things
•Iranian Air Defense
•Football and the Blonde
Title: Point System for Men
| THE POINTS SYSTEM For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system. Simple Duties: You make the bed..................................................+1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.........0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.......................-1 You leave the toilet seat up......................................-5 You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty..................0 When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.......-1 When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2 You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings.....................+5 But return with beer .........................................-5 You check out a suspicious noise at night .....................0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing...............0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's something...........+5 You pummel it with a six iron................................+10 It's her father..............................................-10 Social Engagements You stay by her side the entire party.....0 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy....-2 Named Tiffany...................-4 Tiffany is a dancer.............-6 Tiffany has implants............-8 Her Birthday You take her out to dinner..................................0 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ......+1 Okay, it is a sports bar...................................-2 And it's all-you-can-eat night.............................-3 It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team..................-10 A Night Out With The Boys Go out with a pal .........................................-5 And the pal is happily married ............................-4 Or frighteningly single ...................................-7 And he drives a Mustang...................................-10 With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) ............-15 A Night Out You take her to a movie.....................................+2 You take her to a movie she likes...........................+4 You take her to a movie you hate ...........................+6 You take her to a movie you like............................-2 It's called DeathCop 3......................................-3 Which features cyborgs having sex...........................-9 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans ......-15 Your Physique You develop a noticeable potbelly...............................-15 You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid ofit....+10 You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to wearing jeans and baggy Hawaiianshirts................-30 You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too".........-800 The Big Question She asks, "Do I look fat?" .....................................-5 You hesitate in responding.....................................-10 You reply,"Where?".............................................-35 Communication When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what Looks like a concerned expression................................0 When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes..........+5 You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV...+10 She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep...............-20 This joke is from the collection at www.usaone.net/jokenet |
