|Yo mama's so FAT: |
she don't take pictures, she takes posters
her baby pictures were taken by satellite
a picture of her would fall off the wall
she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us
she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out
she uses a hula hoop to hold up her socks
she puts on her belt with a boomerang
she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors
when you get on top of her your ears pop
when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
the highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn"
when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo
she fell in love and broke it
she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon
even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction
she wakes up in sections
when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck
she's on both sides of the family
everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil
she fell and made the Grand Canyon
she has to use a VCR as a beeper
she broke her leg, and gravy poured out
they have to grease the bath tub to get her out
she influences the tides
she stands in two time zones
she cant tie her own shoes
she cant reach her back pocket
that she would have been in ET, but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse
they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through tunnel when they want to clean it
she accidently got a 747 caught in her teeth
she stepped on a talking scale and it said @#**&^%
she wears a watch on each arm One for each time zone
after she gets through turning around, they throw her a welcome back party
when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up
she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
her favorite dress is a tent
she left home with high heels, she came back with flip-flops
she has to iron her pants on the driveway
she needs a building permit for her girdle
she has to put on lipstick with a paint-roller
she needed her ears pierced with a harpoon
when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose
when she steps on a scale, it reads "One at a time, please"
when she steps on a scale, it says "To be continued"
when she steps on a scale, it says "I don't do livestock"
the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale
the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs
when she bends over we lose an hour of daylight
she has her own zip code
the phone company gave her two area codes
people jog around her for exercise
when she wears a yellow raincoat, folks run after her yelling "TAXI"
when she wears a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her
she shows up on radar
when she goes to a restaurant, she looks at a menu and goes, "Okay"
when she goes to a restaurant, she even orders the "Thank You, Come Again"
when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate
when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do curtains"
when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them
when she goes to the beach, the kids yell, "Free Willy"
the difference between her and Moby Dick is about three pounds
when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun
when she sits at the beach, Greenpeace tries to tow her back into the ocean
when she sits in front of the "Hollywood" sign, you can only see the "H" and the "D"
she was Miss Arizona -- class battleship
she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book
her senior picture had to be an aerial view
she has to fly cargo class
she has to wear a sock on each toe
she's got shock absorbers on her toilet seat
the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts
she needs to put a bookmark in her folds to find her belly button
when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas
she sells shade in the summer
cows graze by her for the shade
when she went to the zoo, the elephants threw peanuts at her
she got on an airplane and only the wings took off
she could be the eighth continent
she farted and put herself into an orbit
I have to roll her over twice to get her on her back
the only thing attracted to her is gravity
small objects tend to orbit her
her belly button's got an echo
Yo mama's so STUPID:
she got hit by a parked car
she looks for the Sunday paper on Tuesdays
she put your puppy in the oven to make a hot dog
she bought a solar-powered flashlight
she invented glow-in-the-dark sunglasses /water-proof teabag/wheelchair with pedals
she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away the W's
she thought Taco Bell was a phone company in Mexico
she spent twenty minutes staring at the orange juice carton because it said "Concentrate"
I strangled her with a cordless phone
she sent me a fax with a stamp on it
she sits on the TV and watches the sofa
she asked me what kind of jeans I had on, I said "Guess", and she said "uh, Levi's?"
she stands up on an empty bus
when I asked her to buy me a color TV, she asked me what color
when she saw the "NC-17 (Under 17 Not Admitted)" sign, she went home and got 16 friends
she went to a 24-hr store and asked what time they closed
she broke into a furniture store and slept on the floor
she only has one toe on each foot, but she bought a pair of flip flops
she writes "Thank You" notes for her bills
Yo mama's so UGLY:
your daddy takes her to work so he doesn't need to kiss her goodbye
she makes blind kids cry
when she threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back
the psychiatrist makes her lie face-down
when she passes by your bathroom, the toilet flushes
when she gets up, the sun goes down
when she was born, they put her in an incubator with tinted windows
when she was born, the doctor slapped her mother
when she was born, her mom said, "What a treasure!" and your dad replied, "Yeah, let's go bury it"
when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end
the government moved Halloween to her birthday
instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
they push her face into the dough to make gorilla cookies
when I took her to the zoo, a guy at the door said, "Thanks for bringing her back"
the prince would rather live as a frog than kiss her
her mom had to feed her with a slingshot
her parents first named her "Accident"
they knew what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock!
she took your dog to the Canine Show and won your dog came in second
This joke is from the collection at www.usaone.net/jokenet