•Dog Food
•The Afghan Quarterback
•little Pill
•The Haircut
• DOG OF A ...
•Counseling
•As men age
•Exercise
•Employment Policy
•Jenny
•Marriage Humor 2
•Marriage Humor
•Pest Control
•Senility
•Brothel Trip
•Confession3
•Confession2
•Confession
•IRS Followup
•Hostess Bakery
•Invasion
•A Nun at Hooters
•The Mexican maid
•Cowboy Headstone
•blonde suicide
•Real laws of nature
•The man and the ostrich
•Newspaper
•Homeless Mans Funeral
•Adult Scrabble
•A Bag of $20
•In a Gun Fight
•The 4th of July
•Rabbi advice
•Last Request
•a man and a shrink
•Casket comments
•Women and cats
•Politicians
•Six Items or less
•Owning a Candian
•Oles Testimony
•Texas taxi
•Morning Coffee
•News Article
•Ten years later
•Trust your Spouse
•The Window Seat
•13 burglar things
•Iranian Air Defense
Title: Pakistani humor
| Q : How do you save a drowning Pakistani? A : Take your foot off his head! You're locked in a room with Saddam Hussein, Osama, and a Pakistani. You have a gun with ONLY two bullets. What do you do? Shoot the Pakistani twice to make sure he's dead. What's brown and black and looks great on a Pakistani? A Doberman. Did you hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of Pakistanis? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met. Two Biharis are learning how to play golf. One Bihari notices that his friend has a Paki caddy. "Are they any good?" he asks. "Sure" the second Bihari replies "Watch how well he's been trained." As he speaks, he drives in a 20 foot putt. The Pakistani caddy starts dancing around and clapping his hands. "Not bad" says the first Bihari. "What does he do if you miss?" "He starts turning somersaults in the grass" "Somersaults? How many does he do?" "It depends on how hard I kick him in the ass!" This Sardar taxi driver in New York would amuse himself by running over Pakistanis he saw walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a Pakistani walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back onto the road. One day, as the taxi driver was driving along he saw a priest looking for a ride. He pulled the taxi over. He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest. "No problem, Father! I'll get you there. Get in." The happy priest climbed in and the taxi driver continued down the road. Suddenly the Sardar saw a Pakistani walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the car with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the Paki. However even though he was certain he missed the Paki, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that Pakistani" "That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door!" What do Pakistanis in London use for contracepives? Their personalities! A big Sardar walked into a bar with his pet tiger on a leash and asked the bartender, "Do you serve Pakistanis here?". "Sure we do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the Sardar. "Give me a beer, and one Pakistani for my tiger." Ashraf, the Pakistani went to London's Heathrow airport to buy his ticket back home to Rawalpindi. At the counter he found that he was 10 pence short of the fare. Having no other way out, he turned to all the other passengers and begged.." Will someone please give me 10 pence? I badly want to go back and meet my Abba and Ammi again!" "Here" said a Sardar, reaching into his wallet and handing him one Pound"..Keep the change and take nine of your country men with you!" For three years, the young Pakistani had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried."I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "When my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a Pakistani." At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from rats to Pakistanis for our experiments?" "Really?" the other replied, "Why did you switch?" "Well, for three reasons. First we found that Pakistanis are far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won't do. However, sometimes it very hard to exterpolate our test results to human beings." A Russian, a Cuban, an Englishman and a Pakistani are in a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the Best Vodka out of his pack, pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: "In USSR, we have the best vodka of the world, nowhere in the world you can find Vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukrainia. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away..." Saying that, he open the window and throw the rest of the bottle thru it. All the others are quite impressed. The Cuban takes a pack of Havanas, takes one of them, lights it and begins to smoke it saying: "In Cuba, we have most of the cigars of the world: Havana, nowhere in the world there is so many cigars and we have so much of them, that we can just throw them away...". Saying that, he throws the pack of havanas thru the window. One more time, everybody is quite impressed. At this time, the Englishman stands up, opens the window, and throws the Pakistani through it... Pakistani military researchers have recently ordered for the enlargement of the hatches on tanks and other armoured vehicles. This is so they can be more easily abandoned in enemy territory. Have you ever seen Pakistani war heroes ? Neither has Pakistan. An insect falls into a mug of beer.... Englishman : Throws his mug away and walks out American : Takes the insect out and drinks the beer Chinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer away Indian : Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new mug of beer.. Pakistani : Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer. Relates the issue to Kashmir. Asks the Chinese to back him up. Takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer. Captains Baldev Singh and Sukhdev Singh meet at the army mess one morning during the war. Baldev Singh: "So, what are the plans for today Captain?" Sukhdev Singh: "Today we'll be knocking over Lahore, Islamabad and Karachi" Baldev Singh: "Great... and what about after breakfast?" How do you recognize a Paki flag in a war? It's white! How do you stop a Pakistani tank ? Shoot the men who are pushing it. How do you disable a Pakistani tank ? Hide the wind-up key. How do you disable Pakistani missiles ? Cut the rubber band Why did the new Pakistani navy refit their boats with glass bottoms after the war? So they can see the old Pakistani navy. Pakistan just got their new Chineses fighter planes and sent a squadron of pilots there for training. "Ok, this one is easy to fly", said the Chinese trainer, "Even you fools should be able to operate it! You press this button to go up, this one to go left and this one for turning right!" "But how do we come down?" asked Capt. Arfath Pasha. "Oh," said the Chinese "leave that to the Indian Air Force!" Scene: trench warfare on Pakistan border, Sikh regiment on one side, Rawalpindi rifles on the other. Suddenly Kartar Singh gets a bright idea and shouts! "Oye Abdul!" A Paki pops up from the opposite trench "Kya hai be?" BANG! He's shot dead! "Oye Karim" 2 Pakis stand up, "Kya hai saala?" BANG BANG both are killed! "Oye Mustafa!" 2 more, BANG-BANG! Another two down! Pakis get worried, they think bastard Sardarjis, when did they get so smart? Decide to try it themselves. "Abe Gurdev Singh!" ..Silence... "Oye Gurdev Singh!!".. silence.. "O Bhai, Gurdev Singh!" Sardar shouts back "Oye Gurdev Singh ko kaun bula raha hai re?" Paki gets up, "Main hoon, Ashraf!" BANG! This joke is from the collection at www.usaone.net/jokenet |
