|Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex|
with me and my sister.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot
get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing
your sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring
all of the family together. Why not get some cousins
involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him
go with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive
present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention
this aspect of his behaviour.
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has
only 10 calories a spoonful. It is nutritious and
helps you to keep your figure and gives a great glow
to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows this. His
offer to you to perform oral sex with him is totally
selfless. Oral sex is extremely painful for a man.
This shows he loves you. Best thing to do is to thank
him, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behaviour - and it should
be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to
prove his prowess with other men. Far from being
pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful
affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your
partner. Just look back at how emotional and happy the
man is when he returns to his stable home. Best thing
to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and
cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If
you must mess with it, do it in your own time. To help
with the family budget you may wish to video tape
yourself while doing this, and to sell it at flea
markets. To ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a
nice expensive present, and cook him a delicious meal.
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is
that you do not love your man as much as you should -
he has to work a lot to get you in the mood. Abandon
all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by
buying a nice expensive present, and cooking a nice
Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by
militant, man-hating feminists and is a danger to the
family unit. Don't mention it again to him and show
your love to him by buying a nice expensive present
and don't forget to cook him a delicious meal.
Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex ?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is
right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much
more responsible, since they're not confused
emotionally as women. It's a proven fact.
Q: Should I have sex on the first date ?
A: YES. Before if possible.
Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex ? A:
Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important
thing to remember is that you must do whatever he
tells you without question. Sometimes, however, he may
ask you to do certain things that may at first seem
strange to you. Do them anyway.
Q: How long should the sex act last ? A: There is no
average time, but anything over two minutes is good.
Anything under that and you may be rushing your man.
After your man has finished making love, he'll have a
natural desire to leave you suddenly, and go out with
his friends to play golf. Or perhaps another activity,
such as going out with his friends to the bar for the
purpose of consuming large amounts of alcohol and
sharing a few personal thoughts with his buddies.
Don't feel left out--while he's gone you can busy
yourself by doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment,
or perhaps even going out to buy him an expensive
gift. He'll come back when he's ready.
Q: What is "afterplay?"
A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to
replenish his manly energy. "Afterplay" is simply a
list of important activities for you to do after the
lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette,
making him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few
beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while you go out
and buy him an expensive gift.
Q: Does the size of the penis matter ?
A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not
quantity, is important, studies show this is simply
not true. The average erect male penis measures about
3 inches. Anything longer than that is extremely rare
and, if by some chance your lover's sexual organ is 4
inches or over, you should go down on your knees and
thank you lucky stars and do everything possible to
please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning his
apartment and buying him an expensive gift.
This joke is from the collection at www.usaone.net/jokenet